Evan

downtheway @ 2008-07-28T13:37:00

2008-07-28T20:41:14Z

question answered.
A few months ago I got this letter that said someone was going to call me about a job at some point. If I wanted to talk to them about it, I could call, but otherwise they'd call me soon. Well a few month go by and I don't hear anything, so I just forget about it. On Friday, right as the Watchmen panel started, I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. I answered it and it was a guy that said he sent me a letter a few month ago and he wanted to talk to me about a part-time job. Given that I was in a panel for the Watchmen, I told him I was busy. He told me no problem and if I wanted I could call him back. I was still curious as to what the fuck it was, so I just did. I got his voicemail though and of course, it was the Navy. Good trick sir. I thought you were gonna ask me to be an assassin or something. But no, you just want me to be in the reserves. Stupid military, bugging me and shit.

downtheway @ 2008-07-07T17:57:00

2008-07-08T00:58:59Z

I posted this on my Googlepages, but as no one knows about that, I'll post it here too.
It's http://jones.evana.googlepages.com/home if you'd like to check it out, but this is the only thing on there right now. I'll probably just start posting stuff on there eventually.

In my years of having some responsibility I've learned one thing, if nothing else. I am a procrastinator. I put things off, I wait until the last minute, and sometimes I even don't get to things for months. I've done it for years.

In school I put off assignments for as long as possible, inevitably spending the last couple days before it was due working my ass off getting it done to a point of at least presentability. In the the eighth grade our main assignment in my Algebra class was making a notebook explaining how to do different formulas and whatnot, but I put it off until the last month or so of school, barely finishing it and passing the class. My Senior Project came down to the last month or so as well. Even in work I procrastinate. When I first started working at the car wash, I didn't get my workers permit until it came down to "get your permit, or you don't have a job." I procrastinate in things that I want to do as well. Things that no one is making me do. Books collect dust. Partially completed scripts wait to be finished. Games are started, but rarely finished. it's just the way I am.

Although I may be a giant procrastinator, it's usually not that big a deal. I always end up getting done what I need to get done. It doesn't usually come back to bite me in the ass as hard as it has recently.

I made the mistake of procrastinating on getting my Comic-Con pass. It had a little to do with my lack of a job, but I had already asked my mom to borrow money, and I definitely could have done that earlier. The first time I check the Comic-Con website last month, I found that 4-day Passes, as well as Saturday Passes, had been sold out. I was devastated. This is what I look forward to all year. I love Comic-Con so much, and now I can't go to all 4 days. The worst part is, I was going to buy my pass at the Con last year. It's all I could think about. This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't procrastinated damn it.

But wait a minute. I can volunteer, I realize. Work a 3-hour shift (or no hour shift if I take my brother's advice), and get into that day for free?! Sold!

I signed up to volunteer on Saturday and Sunday, even though I didn't plan on working Sunday, as I didn't want to ask for 5 days off work. My plan was to Volunteer to get in on Saturday and buy a Friday and Thursday pass. That would work perfectly. The problem was that I had just got some money from my mom and I didn't want to ask for $55 right away. So I waited for her to get paid. The passes were only about half way sold, so it wouldn't be a problem. Of course, I was wrong.

Today I asked my mom if I could get my pass now, to which she agreed. I actually ended up using my Grandma's card, it made no difference to me. But when I logged on to the Comic-Con website, more devastation. My fear had come to pass. Friday was sold out. I immediately felt the anger in my chest. I can't fucking win with these people. Who do I have to blow to just go to Comic-Con? I just want to go to Comic-Con. Don't they understand how much I love Comic-Con?

Furious, I bought just a thursday pass. I already pre-registered to volunteer, so I do get to go to Preview night, plus Saturday. I emailed the volunteer people, asking if I might be able to volunteer for Friday as well, as the passes sold out, and I wasn't able to buy one like I planned. Hopefully I will hear back from them and the answer will be "yes, of course" and all will be well. Otherwise I'll just have to hope that something is figured out and I can get in on friday somehow.

If nothing else I'll just be disappointed that I once again missed Kevin Smith's Q&A, and this year he had something I really want to see too. I guess all I can do is hope for the best, and try to keep myself calm knowing that Comic-Con comes every year, and next year this will not happen again. It's not the end of the world, it'll just make friday really shitty if I can't get in.

downtheway @ 2008-06-05T23:34:00

2008-06-06T06:39:15Z

I never thought I'd say it, but I miss High School. But I miss it in that, I miss the time when I didn't have to do anything. I miss having no responsibility and nothing to worry about. I miss having access to people. By that I mean, I miss being surrounded by people all the time, never really worrying about not having someone to hang out with. Obviously there are a lot of things about High School that i do not miss, and I love the freedom I have no that I didn't back then. But those were good times. I wish I could have times like that now.

downtheway @ 2008-05-16T04:13:00

2008-05-16T11:14:46Z

Dear Regina Spektor,
Your music may be good, but it does not belong in The Chronicles of Narnia. It just isn't the music-with-words kind of movie. It doesn't matter how popular you may be at the time.
I am sorry.

downtheway @ 2008-05-14T12:45:00

2008-05-14T19:45:48Z

I went to the Starbucks job fair today. It went much better than last time, although this time they did group interviews. I interviewed with two other people, one of which kind of made a bad impression right away, so we'll see how it goes.

downtheway @ 2008-05-11T04:10:00

2008-05-11T11:14:26Z

I kind of have some insomnia going. The past like three days I haven't gone to be until about 4, and I wasn't even tired when I did. I sat in bed for a while before I finally got to sleep. I really need to get back on a normal sleeping pattern, so that when I do finally find a job, I'm not all fucked up. Man I need a job.

downtheway @ 2008-05-06T02:16:00

2008-05-06T09:16:56Z

"im excited about Indiana because i love shia!"

If that is the reason you want to see Indian Jones, you're not allowed to see the movie.

In other news, I know I said I'd have an update about the Alaska/Canda roadtrip, but what I wrote is full on journal kind of entries. Some of it I'd like to share, but most of it I'm sure no one would read. I don't want to make you all search through the crap to find the interesting stuff.
Basically, it was really cool. I saw more snow and ice and frozen lakes than I've ever seen in my life. But after some time it got to be pretty boring and I took a lot of naps. I drove for a while in Canada, but the road got icy and James wanted to drive again. We saw a bunch of animals. We drove for really long periods of time, got really cranky and fought like crazy. In Canada I got some Tim Hortons, which is fucking delicious, and then we went to a bar, where I got some Rum and Coke, which was alright. I had about a fourth of a beer, but it was the first time I've had beer, so I couldn't drink the whole thing.
When we got to Washington, James got a ticket, we came to a dead stop because of an accident, then hit traffic because of roadwork. It took us relatively more time to get out of Washington than Canada.
We pretty much drove from Anchorage Alaska to San Diego California in 4 days. We left Monday morning and pulled up to my house at 6 Friday morning, having driven through the night on Thursday.

Pictures are a different story. I'm lazy as hell, so who knows when I'll go through the pictures.

Chris got his own Xbox, so I have mine in my room again. I can finally give Mass Effect the attention it deserves. It's nice to be able to play CoD when everyone else is. GTA is also amazing. So fun to play with a crapload of people.

I guess that's about it. I'm really tired and I don't feel well, so it's time for me to go sleep till probably 1 O'Clock tomorrow. Hopefully I'll feel better.

downtheway @ 2008-04-18T06:07:00

2008-04-18T13:08:07Z

We pulled up to my house at 6:00 AM exactly.
I am home.
Posts and pictures coming soon.

downtheway @ 2008-04-15T23:49:00

2008-04-16T06:52:33Z

I am alive. I'm in British Columbia, in a town called Prince George.

Tim Horton's is delicious. I had my first experience with Alcohol (I definitely have not acquired the taste of beer, and I didn't get drunk or anything).

Pictures and full posts coming soon.

I should be home on Friday.

downtheway @ 2008-04-11T02:15:00

2008-04-11T09:38:21Z

    Sarah and I met a couple weeks ago and had a brainstorming session. We want to write (and hopefully shoot) three shorts by the end of the year. We have plenty of time, so it should get done.
    It came up because I was talking about how I still wanted to at least give film a shot. I never got a chance to really do anything with it. I never actually made anything. So we had a brainstorming session and I have a draft of one now.
    It's kind of sparked a new interest in film for me. I was looking at video games, but because of the lack of places I can go for school for it (i.e. good places that I can afford), I started to worry about how that would work. And the more I think about it, the more I think, I really don't want to do that. I would love to work in video games. But I think what I would love most is writing them. Not necessarily writing scripts and whatnot, but like coming up with the ideas and stories for games. I would love to lead game design. I'm not really interested in actually modeling, or doing skins, or anything like that. I guess what I'm interested in most is the sort of film aspect of video games. Tony talks about how he wants to start a game company with his friends from school, and he wants to give people jobs, so who know, maybe I will get a shot at it some day.
    But back to the new interest in film. I don't know what it is, the idea of working in film is just amazing to me. Getting to write stories and bring them to life. I love movies. I may not be one of those guys that watches movies all the time, but it's one of my favorite things to do regardless. I know it would be a lot of hard work getting and staying in the industry, and we all know how I'm not big on hard work, but it seems like the most satisfying thing I could pursue as far as a career.
    I've been thinking that I want to check out actually going to school for it. I didn't want to before because of all the stuff I've heard about how it's kind of a waste of time. But I feel like it would help me a lot. Who knows if I'd actually get a degree, I just want to start taking classes. I'm not really excited to take Grossmont film classes, but the goal would be to transfer to State. I've heard they have an alright program, but I don't know if that's true or not. Looking at the stuff for the major, it looks to be a bitch to even get into. It says you need a 3.0, which would mean I would actually have to start making sure I get good grades. I need an A in some class because I got a C last semester due to my Econ professor being an ass. At least I think if I got an A that would bring it up, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. Anyway, thinking about it I feel like if I'm going to go to school, I would like to go to school for film. I
     know I've probably said that about going to school for video games or drawing for comics, or whatever in the past few weeks, but whatever. Fuck to be honest, I don't know if this is really want I want. I don't know what I want. I'm at a point where I can pretty much start moving in any direction I want towards some career. I just need to pick the way I want to go. There are a few things that really interest me, and right now I'm deciding to go to school for film. Obviously I've changed my mind about that before, and I may change my mind about it again, but my plan right now is to go talk to a councilor at Grossmont about transferring to State.
    We'll just have to wait and see how things play out.

downtheway @ 2008-03-30T02:22:00

2008-03-30T09:46:57Z

    I'm at a very strange place. A good place, but a strange one nevertheless. I'm finding myself questioning my beliefs and digging into them. Not questioning as like "is there a God?" or anything like that. But I'm questioning my perspective on it. I find myself looking at what I've believed in the past and what I believe now. I'm trying to grasp concepts. I'm looking at things I haven't payed much attention to, or just kind of accepted.
   For the most part this was brought on by a late night's channel browsing. I came across IFC, or Sundance whichever it was, airing One Punk Under God. I'd heard about the show when it was on, but I never got around to actually watching it. For those that don't know what it is, it's a documentary series about Jay Bakker and his church Revolution. Jay is the son of Jim Bakker and Tammy Fay. After all the crap with his family and their church, he fell away from God and got into a bunch of crap. Then he came to God on his own.
    I watched the show and right off the bat it was dealing with something I've struggled with for a while. It was awesome to see someone get so deep into this issue and come to a conclusion that I absolutely agree with. I started listening to his sermons the other day. It's amazing. I don't want to put so much focus on this guy, because I don't want to seem like I'm getting to a point of idol worship, but his speaking has helped me a lot. It's made me take a step back and try to get some perspective on a lot of stuff. I've realized that I've spent so much time focusing on how I'm living and works in general, my own and others', and not nearly enough time on love. God's love for me and for others, and my loving others like God loves them. I've been so focused on crap that doesn't matter, and now I'm trying to change that. I'm looking at issues through that mindset and trying to figure out, through reading and praying and whatnot, what I really think about them. It's awesome to just get this new perspective and draw closer to God through it.
    Hope that didn't feel preachy or anythings. That's just the haps.

downtheway @ 2008-03-24T22:10:00

2008-03-25T05:43:03Z

I am once again at a place of not know what the hell I want to do. I feel like I'm at a better place though. Because right now I'm not picking something I think I might like to do and immediately deciding I want to go to school for it. Right now I'm just at a place of, I know that I'm not sure what I want to do. I don't feel like I have no idea at all what I want to do. There's a number of things I might want to do, but relatively, I've narrowed it down.
This came about because Tony and I have been watching both An Evening with Kevin Smith DVDs and I've just been filled with this I-want-to-make-movies feeling. Like I said, I'm not settling on one thing right now, so I'm not saying that I've decided I do want to be in film again. But I want to have a go at it. I never really got a chance to actually try being a film maker. I was never able to get a full, good script written and shot. I never had that experience. I just never had enough inspiration or drive to write a whole script, so I got frustrated with myself and decided it was too hard, so I'd pick something else. I really want to make film. I still think it would be amazing. I just don't know if it's what I want to do.
To be very vague and unsure, I can say this: I want to do something creative. I know that. I don't want to spend my life working in an office or in some dead end job. I want to spend my life doing something creative. What that means, I don't know. I guess time will only tell.
Yes I know, my posts are few and far between, and contain the same stuff over and over. Sorry. But this is what's going on with me.
I would like to hang out with friends more. Just a random tidbit.

downtheway @ 2008-03-16T03:35:00

2008-03-16T10:44:13Z

I looked at my bank account earlier tonight, saw how little money I have, and realized that no more is coming. First I sold my scooter, so I had plenty of money. Then James visited, and told me that I didn't need to pay him back right now, so that was another 150 bucks that came at a good time. Then I got my tax refund. But I of course was stupid and spent too much money, so I'm now near the end of my funds. I freaked out. I started thinking of the places I've been putting off applying to because I don't really want to work there, but I might have to. I got on craigslist looked through page after page of jobs, trying to find one I could do. I even looked up how to make a resume and threw one together, scraping together information from my experience-less past. There's one I emailed about a store in a museum downtown, and one I'm just going to send said resume to in the morning. Tony and I are going to the starbucks job fair on tuesday. There's some other places I'm gonna apply to pretty quick. Hopefully I can find a job and get some money before I fly up to Alaska with Kyle to drive back her with James. Hopefully I can find a job that won't mind me going to do that, because I am, whether they like it or not. I may just have to find a different job. Anyway, I need to sleep. More on the alaska trip later.

downtheway @ 2008-03-05T21:50:00

2008-03-06T06:10:48Z

I'm so glad I have friends that get me. By that, I mean friends that get my personality and my sense of humor. It appears that I've offended some guys at the Flood College group. One of the guys from the small group told me afterwards tonight that two of the other guys were a bit put off by me because a couple of weeks ago one of them said he had his wallet stolen, and when he said that he left it somewhere, I jokingly said "well I don't feel bad then, don't leave your wallet places." Well they apparently took it to heart and feel like I'm a prick. Now, I don't care if they don't like me. From the beginning I've felt that there's no way I'm gonna become friends with these guys. They're too different from me. They're into different stuff and they have way different senses of humor. I don't not like them, there's just not going to be any great friendships blooming between us.

At first I was a little upset, because it would seem that yet again, I don't have a small group that i fit in with that I can go to regularly. But then it really just made me grateful for the friends I have. I've been fortunate enough to find friends that I fit in with. Who knows what state I'd be in without them. We may not have spent much time together recently, but when I see them it's great and I couldn't be happier.

On the other hand, this is kind of a reminder that sometimes there are things that just don't need to be said. Especially when the people around don't know me that well. This is kind of the same thing that angered Josh from time to time. The guy that talked to me said it was just the commentary that I gave sometimes, which is funny because I don't talk in the group much. It kind of upset me, because it's not like I was the only one giving commentary. But apparently mine was the only one that upset anyone. But oh well. Something don't need to be said, but others people get upset at for stupid reasons. What can you do? I yam who I yam.

downtheway @ 2008-02-15T01:54:00

2008-02-15T10:09:23Z

Perhaps it's just a momentary thing because it's only been a day, but after making that post last night I've really been thinking I might want to go to school for art stuff.
I've been really interested in trying to paint lately, but I have yet to try it so that's not really at the forefront of my mind, but I would really like to try it and see how I feel about it.
But that's besides, the point. I'm not thinking of going to school for painting on a whim. What I really want to look into is comic book art. The problem is I don't know what you would go to school for for that. There's a school in New Jersey that specializes in it, but... it's in Jersey.
I just started thinking last night, why do I want to be in film? I do love film, and I do think it would be tons of fun, but really, why? I'm not entirely passionate about film. I can be, but I think that I would have felt a little more drive to accomplish something before now if it's what I really wanted to do. I think the only reason I really decided I wanted to film was the money. I didn't expect to be an A-list director making boatloads of money, but it was always the idea that I would be well off. Yes it sounded great to create something that hopefully people would like, but the most appealing part of it was money. Well fuck that. Money doesn't dictate my life. I don't let money dictate my life now and I don't really plan on it. I feel like I would be much happier in another field, like comics. I love comics so much. To work in that industry would be amazing.
I may talk like I get dead set on these things, but don't think that I've set myself to "I'm gonna go do this this and this and then I'm going to have a solid career in comics." This is just what's going through my head right now. I've been thinking about what I really want to do with my life and these are things that have been going around in my mind. I am looking at stuff for school for comic art, but I can't do anything until next year so I'm not going to be diving into anything right away.
Man, I should probably find someone to actually talk to about all this, rather than just sorting all out in my head. Anyway, life is hard and confusing. Whatever. I'll figure something out.

downtheway @ 2008-02-14T02:14:00

2008-02-14T11:01:40Z

I'm kind of having a what-do-I-want-to-do situation.
Film is something I would love to do, but I'm at a place right now where it's so hard for me to write stuff that I'm thinking, maybe it's not for me. But that's really just because I'm trying to write something right now and it's hard. Maybe it's just frustration and when I do get it written I'll feel great and just want to get working on the next thing immediately. But I've also just been thinking about how there are other things that I think would be awesome to do, so maybe I shouldn't settle on film so quickly.

Drawing is something that I've always been interested in, and I know I have the potential to do. Not that I don't think I have the potential for film, because I do. But drawing is something that I know I can do if I have a good enough reference, and with some training or practice I could do from my head. It's the only other thing that I've seriously considered putting time and effort into to possibly get a career out of. Of course what I would want to do with it is draw comics. It's always been something I've thought about, something I think would be absolutely amazing.
Also in comics, I think it would be cool to write them. The funny thing is that what is hardest for me in film is the writing. Not that I think writing comics would be a piece of cake, but there's so much more freedom with writing comics than with writing film. You're not limited to what you have access to because you have access to anything you or someone else can imagine and draw. I've actually really been considering this lately. Just thinking about writing some stuff, seeing how it turns out. I really just want to make a comic. A good one, not like the crap I made for my senior project.

The first thing that I decided I wanted to do (that is, the first thing I said "this is what I want to do," planning on going to school for it and everything), was make video games. Specifically I wanted to make the models, but I was open to other aspects. I still think that it would be awesome to do that. I was thinking a while ago that if I were going to go back to school, I would consider hitting the Art Institute like Tony for their video game program. I love video games. It's definitely my hobby and I put a lot of time into them. It would be really cool to make them.

What will always be in the back of my mind is music. When I listen to some bands I just think about how amazing it would be to make music for a living. It's mostly when I listen to Motion City, Showbread, and Get Back Loretta, mostly because of the lyrics. I'm not gonna lie, I actually love to sing. But I'm terribly embarrassed to do it around other people. When I'm in my car by myself, I belt out what I'm listening to. Not knowing all the words doesn't stop me, but when I do I go all out. People probably have a good time watching me sometimes. But I am not a lyrics person. I like lyrics, but I can't write them. I've tried on occasion and it hasn't turned out well. I probably could put something together, but it would be no simple task. Maybe I could be like Patrick Stump and not write lyrics. Anyway, this silly dream that maybe one day I might be able to entertain the idea of possibly getting into some sort of music has driven me to buy a guitar, which I got last month with christmas money. I don't put a whole lot of effort into it, but I've been messing around, kind of learning some stuff. Maybe I'll get serious about it sometime.

I was thinking the other day and I realized that ever since I was a kid I've kind of wanted to be a writer. I would start writing stories all the time. I didn't finish most of them, but I always wanted to write books. I would just sit and start writing. It was always stupid adventure kind of stuff, but I just thought it would be cool to write a book. So I tried. That idea, I guess, has never really gone away. Sometimes I still want to just sit and write. Just see what comes out. Again it's funny because the writing is what kills me when working with film. Maybe I need to just write what I'm working on like a novel and convert it to screenplay format.

I have a couple other things, but I don't want to put them out there for you, the world, to see just yet. Sorry.

I've been wondering if I made a mistake not going to school this semester. Really it doesn't matter because I'm enjoying not being in school. But I've been thinking that maybe I should just go to school and get it out of the way. Get a degree and then if I decide that I don't want to do film after all, I won't be doomed to quite so crappy jobs forever. I would just like the options. I don't know how many times I've been told that people don't care what you have a degree in, just as long as you have one. I know that that's not always the case, but say nothing works out. Say I'm doomed to live a life with a job doing something that I'm not really passionate about. I don't want that job to be something like, hypothetically of course, a starbucks manager, or an electrician, or who knows what. And I would rather go get school out of the way now, when I can meet cool people my age, than decide 3 or 4 years from now that I want to get a degree. Unless something happens to really make me decide I don't need to go back, I'm probably going to end up back at Grossmont next semester, working towards something.

It's funny that writing all this out kind of made me realize that I don't really know what I want to do. I've been parading myself around as if I was dead set on being a director, but I'm not. Hell, the only stuff I've ever made was in high school. Granted, Stranded was sort of my production that I going to be made, regardless of whether I used it for my Film as Lit final or not. But It's now been a year and I half and all I've done is write one 14 page short that I have no idea if it's going to actually get made or not. I do love film, and I see things that inspire to work for it, but I just don't know if I can do it. I'm going to keep working on the script I'm working on now. I'm not giving up on film. I'm just saying that I don't know 100% anymore that this is what I'm going to do with my life. This is another reason I'm glad I'm not in school though. I need to do some figuring out.

Wow that was so much more than I planned on writing. But there it is. I'm not as set on my future as I've said I was. I guess I got some soul searching to do. I'm not going to become a hippie or anything, so don't worry.

downtheway @ 2008-02-14T00:19:00

2008-02-14T08:19:46Z

Name tags don't work if you don't pay attention to what they say.

downtheway @ 2008-02-09T22:53:00

2008-02-10T07:03:11Z

I'm in an awesome place right now.
I started going to the Flood College Group two weeks ago and I'm now at a place I haven't been since Josh left. I haven't been in that setting since then. A small group of people, talking about God and growing together. The college group isn't a small group of people, but we do split up into small groups.
The first night I went I didn't know anyone. I just stood around and some guy came over and introduced himself. Then people just started coming over to him and he would introduce me. I ended up meeting a guy named Tommy who is a leader of one of the small groups. I went to his small group because I had talked to him and wouldn't feel so out of place.
The best part is, Tommy is an assistant manager at Starbucks. He was at the Lemon Grove store when it opened and he knows someone that is still there, so he said he can probably get me a job. So hopefully that works out and I won't be unemployed for much longer.
I'm just in a place right now where I'm ready to get my relationship with God back on track. Along with that I'm feeling great and wanting to get into shape. I've been running occasionally, and working towards running regularly.
I don't really know what else to say. I just feel great and i hope it continues.

downtheway @ 2008-02-02T14:19:00

2008-02-02T22:27:40Z

Top Gear is a BBC car show on which they review cars, have guests who use their car to race around their track, and do challenges, sometimes involving cars, sometimes not; hilarity always ensues. In the clip below they have bought junker cars and drive from Florida to Louisiana, at one point painting things on each others' cars to see if they'll get shot at in Alabama. Unfortunately they weren't far off when they were very nearly assaulted and their film crews pelted with rocks. One car said "Country and western is rubbish," "Nascar Sucks," and "I'm bi," while the other two just said "Man-Love Rules, OK" and "Hillary for President." When they stopped to get gas the owner of the station literally asked "Are you guys gay just trying to get beat up in a hick town?" It's disgusting how accepting and even sort of proud she is of the biggetry and hatred that is associated (and rightfully so it would seem) with some parts of America. Granted one of the cars had stuff that was out to offend people, but is it really necessary to throw rocks? Apparently one can't have opinions in Alabama. At least, you better keep them to yourself or your getting a rock to the face. Even if you don't care about how ridiculous these hate tanks are, the video is absolutely hilarious. It just gets really intense near the end.

downtheway @ 2008-01-30T22:35:00

2008-01-31T06:35:53Z

First great decision of 2008

downtheway @ 2008-01-23T13:48:00

2008-01-23T21:56:45Z

I did it. I finally made myself run. It was definitely a wake up call. I barely ran half and mile and I feel like I'm dying. If it wasn't my ride side that hurts so much, I'd be afraid I was having a heart attack. I was going to walk for a little bit and run some more when I felt better, but I was in so much pain that I just came home. Now I know how out of shape I am though, so I'm going to keep it up. I don't want be that fat ass that can't even run a mile. If I was in a horror movie situation, I'd be fucked. Unless of course it was one of the walking crazy murderers. Then I could just run a little bit, wait, run a bit, wait, and eventually loop him around so I could get in my car to drive my ass away. But for the sake of motivation, we'll say I don't have a car to drive away in and that I need to get in shape or my ass is getting chopped up by a machete or chainsaw or something.

downtheway @ 2008-01-18T14:18:00

2008-01-18T22:26:04Z

I need a jump start. I'm so tired of being out of shape and fat, but I can't bring myself to start running or working out. I know that once I do it, I'll be fine and I'll be able to make myself keep doing it. But I know that that first time is going to suck, and because of that I keep making excuses. Oh it's too cold, it's too hot, it's going to be dark in a couple minutes. Anything to keep myself from doing it.
Courtney keeps inviting me to the gym with one of her guest passes, but it keeps falling through. I actually really want to go. I feel like that's the jump start I need. If I just go to the gym and kill myself there, I'll be much more likely to make myself run or whatever on my own at home.
Fuck I'm tired of being fat.

downtheway @ 2008-01-15T12:28:00

2008-01-15T20:30:03Z

San Francisco, here I come.

downtheway @ 2008-01-07T02:18:00

2008-01-07T10:30:41Z

I've realized how fat I've gotten recently. Now I know I'm not necessarily a tub-o or anything. No one's gonna be picking on me for being the fat kid, but I've got a fucking gut. One that I can't help but stick out all too often.
There was a time, not too long ago, where I exercised. I would ride my bike regularly, and I even ran before that. I even enjoyed running at one point. I'd like to reach that place again. The great thing about running is that I don't have to run that long or even that far, and I get a workout that makes me feel good. I stopped riding my bike so much because I have to ride it farther and longer to get anything worth anything. But I can run a mile in around 10 minutes and it's going to do something for me. I know that eventually I'll have to run longer distances, but at this point I'll probably almost die after just a mile. But I'm tired of being fat and out of shape.
I'm not going to make any real resolutions for the year, because that never holds, but I want to get my shit together this year. I don't know how many times I've said that, and I won't even say that "I mean it this time" as people tend to do, but I'm saying it again. I want to get my shit together, and we'll have to see how it unfolds.
On the job front: there isn't one. I've been sick the past couple days, so I haven't really done anything productive. Not that I have for the past month or so that I've been unemployed, but I was waiting for the holidays to be over. Actually, I haven't been entirely unproductive, I finished typing up that second draft. Anyway, I'm still in need of a job. Courtney's starbucks wants openers, so that's out. I'm going to take an app to the job fair, but I'm waiting on Courtney to find out when it is. Other than that I need to start applying places. I'm thinking of getting an app at Barnes and Noble, and maybe applying at Borders, even though I know Maggie would not suggest it. Other than that I don't have any more ideas. If anyone wants to give me a job, or knows somewhere good, I'm open to suggestions. I really need to get money coming in soon.

downtheway @ 2007-12-20T02:54:00

2007-12-20T11:08:37Z

If they are a little blurry it's because I was freezing and couldn't hold still.